Service and Solitude

This holiday season it is so easy to let busyness consume us. A party here, a party there, white elephant gift exchanges, buying gifts, baking, Secret Santa, classroom parties, and the list goes on. Sometimes even very very good things consume us such as serving the needy and poor.

This week I've been pondering the necessity for solitude and being still. God's word says in Psalm 46:10, "Be still and know that I am God". Jesus also modeled for us on several occasions in the height of His ministry, in the midst of serving and healing so many people by pulling away to a place to be alone. Luke 5:16 "But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places to pray."

I hear many people say that they feel disconnected from God, and many will blame this on their church's worship experience. The question has to be, "Are you personally taking time to be alone and spend time in Bible reading and prayer?" If that is not happening there will not be intimacy and connection with God. It is the key.

I think about the birth of Jesus and how so much of it was wrapped up in solitude and stillness. When the angel came to Mary to tell her she would give birth to our Savior she was still---had she have been bustling around in the mall shopping would she have even noticed the angel was trying to speak to her? Scripture says that "she pondered these things in her heart.." (Luke 2:19) Then I think of the long journey Joseph and Mary took to Bethlehem. Much time for pondering I'm sure. Much time for the Lord to speak to them, to reassure them of His presence and the ministry that would lie ahead for both of them as parents of the long awaited Messiah. The same goes for the wisemen and shepherds in their travelling to see what lay beneath the star in the sky.

It is so important that we take time this holiday season to do the same: to withdraw from the crowds and busyness and let the One we celebrate give us the greatest gift of all---His personal Presence that is now available to us because of the birth and death of Jesus. And then, from within that time of intimacy and refreshing we can allow God to propel us out into the world to be His hands and feet to others this Christmas.

"Solitude is not simply a withdraw from the world to be renewed and refreshed. It is also finding a new center of inner quietness and certitude from which we act in the midst of a busy and demanding world....Rather, the movement to solitude is to find a renewed self, and from the center of being loved and nourished we can again enter our world with purposeful engagement." Henri Nouwen

Someone Searching for the Way to Get You Here

This morning I was wrecked at church. Just a weeping mess. We had part one of our home study Friday and it went really well. Well, except that I clearly went into it with expectations. They were dashed. With such a great need for foster homes and some 6,000 plus kids needing homes in Texas I thought there would be a great possibility of a quick placement. Well, our sweet social worker burst my naive bubble. She said we should be prepared for 6 to 9 months of more waiting once we are licensed (which should be in a few weeks). It hit me like a ton of bricks. Then I guess my emotions waited to be released like a tidal wave this morning.

The message was all about being a people who try to tangibly be the good news to those who are broken and lonely. Specifically orphans. For us to provide families and a place to belong to those who would otherwise have no where to go to spend holidays as an adult or no one for their children one day to call 'grandparents'. What breaks my heart is knowing there is a child who needs us. Who is longing for a forever family. Who God destined before the beginning of time to be called our child even though he wasn't born of my womb. But...he is not with us. We are separated and God only knows what this precious child is experiencing right now, what environment he is in, what fears he goes to sleep with at night. Waiting is so difficult...especially when it feels as if it is at the expense of an innocent child.

Then, we sang an Aaron Ivey song and I came unglued to the lyrics, "I'll find a way to get you here, if it takes my fleeting breath....I hope you know there is somebody searching for the way to get you here."

Oh dear God, please give our son comfort in somehow supernaturally knowing this. I place my trust in You to take care of him, and to give us perserverence and hope.

Aaron's music video Amos Story--while waiting for the adoption of his kids from Haiti. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J4eZybIXpm8

AMOS STORY Aaron Ivey. ©2009

Another photograph to wrestle in my head
Another sleepless night on concrete featherbed
These thoughts of you like bullets to my soul
We’ve got to find a way to get you home

I’ll find a way to get you here
If it takes my fleeting breath
Another sunrise hits the ground
And it’s a dark lonely sight
Light years away I hope you know

There is somebody searching
For the way to get you here
I will get you here
Throw the clocks away
and run out to the street
We’ll fly to distant clouds
where it’s just you and me
A day will come when all of this is gone

You’ve got to find a way to believe

Close your eyes and dream of a better day with me
As angels hold you tight, may you sleep in peace tonight
So dream, dream, dream my child
Hear the whisperings of hope

It’s a song that you can sing, as you sleep in peace tonight

Groanings Too Deep For Words

Those who know me well will attest to the fact that I am a deep person....Sometimes to my detriment I'm sure--for me and for those who get caught in a conversation with me when I'm pondering something. I'm known to be rather inept at surface conversation. Lord, help me for all my blunders! Once I told someone I just met that I liked the way she changed her haircut. Since I just met her I realized I should let her know that the reason I noticed was seeing her on Facebook which then led to my comment, "Oh, I wasn't stalking you on facebook or anything." My, my......My small talk capabilities need a serious tutorial.


Anyway, I experienced what I could compare to a groaning too deep for words this morning at Austin New Church. An amazing missionary family who serves in Ethiopia was speaking about how they were rescued from their former lives of substance abuse, materialism and impending divorce. And not only were their lives transformed but in the course of a few years of receiving a new life in Christ, they were obedient to move from the States to Ethiopia to share the good news of life with Christ to the people there. The bottom line is that we as believers in God are to be set apart for the gospel of God. So, who am I to tell God what I will allow Him to set me apart for or how exactly that will look. Such as, "Well, I will serve God in Buda, but not overseas. Or I will be set apart in my lifestyle for God but not if it means sacrificing our savings accounts. Or (in my instance) I will be set apart to bring good news to a young boy who needs a home but only one child and he has to be between the age of 3-5, etc. Afterall, our home is too small, and my children are in certain stages of life, yada, yada".


God spoke to my heart today that it is an honor and privilege to be set apart for the gospel (Romans 1:1). To share His good news and hope of rescue to those in this world. I wept over the different memories that flooded my mind of the different opportunities He has allowed me to be a part of over the years in caring for others particularly widows, orphans, and the lonely. But, now as we are preparing to adopt, how could I only accept 'certain' tasks and deny those that don't particularly 'suit' us. So at that moment I began to experience conviction for all the perimeters I have put on the child we will take for foster/adoption. My goodness, what if God had put perimeters on me--on my adoption into His family? I would have NEVER made the 'cut'! So I experienced groanings too deep for words. I began to yearn for God's perfect will for us and for the child/children He might have for us. Though I'm taking a little liberty with the verse below...I have such a longing, eagerly awaiting the privilege to redeem and rescue through adoption. I am becoming increasingly impatient and eagerly waiting.

"Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express." Romans 8:23-26


Here is a picture of what John and I found in our fortune cookies at Panda Express right after church. Hey, if God can speak through Balaam's donkey, He can certainly speak through a panda, right?

When Your World Stands Still

This past month for me has been both a whirlwind and also a desert with only mirages of hope. Way too many extremely significant things happened all at once. Allison got married and it was both a huge joyous celebration but also a time for a sentimental like me to dwell on the fact that seasons come and seasons go. Even my children seemed quite affected by this fact. In the middle of the rehearsal dinner my Callie came over to me with tears in her eyes and said, "Is Miss Allison moving to California?" I said, "No, just down the highway a bit to Killeen. Does this make you sad?" She then burst into tears. Over the course of the next few weeks we experienced other major changes in our lives with school starting for the kids, John starting to promote his mortgage business and also significant changes for our church. I began to see all of these transitions in our family's life beginning to cause breakdown in our relationships. Then a phenomenon happens where your world which is spinning around like crazy suddenly seems to stand still. For me it stood still when one of my kids began to really struggle and have outbursts and tantrums. It broke my heart---transitions seem to draw this out, maybe that is what triggers it. When you're in that eye of the storm it feels eery and even downright scary because you just don't know and can't predict the outcome. Even though all the events in our lives were still spinning around us, my life and focus was consumed by my love for my child. All I could do was to persevere and wait.

This morning has marked a new day for all of us. I sense a refreshing and renewal on the way. I'm excited about all that lies ahead for us. God has moved me out from the eye of the storm and back through it to the other side where now there is peace and rebuilding.

"Look at the nations and watch—and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told." Habakkuk 1:5

Joy was also restored in our home last night---Here's a picture of some 'pre-dinner' entertainment to "Eye of the Tiger". :)

But Godliness with Contentment is Great Gain

Tonight the kids and I went to the library's end of summer reading ceremony. I was proud of the kids for being so diligent with reading and turning in their logs. For each reading log turned in they received a ticket to put in the prize box of their choice for drawings that took place at tonight's ceremony. I tried to prep the kids on the car ride there that they may not win, one of them may win, etc. Needless to say, no one in our family took home a coveted prize. One of my children in particular had a really difficult time with this. In her blatant honesty she said, with big tears running down her face, "But everytime I look at the girl who won the monkey I wanted and see how happy she is playing with it, it makes me so sad that it's not mine".

How common to our struggles even as adults yet very few would be as honest as my little one. (You see children don't know what's acceptable to confess socially yet...hmmm) It reminded me of my struggle with infertility some 8 or 9 years ago. It's funny, I think about the people who sit behind me at church and how they must be thinking, "Wow, what a bunch of kids, she certainly must be fertile!". Everyone has a story, you just never know what it is and how your assumptions can be so far off. Anyway, I struggled with unexplained infertility for 3 1/2 years. During that time most of my friends were getting pregnant left and right, one baby shower after the next, then as the years passed many of my friends began to conceive baby #2. I remember experiencing the same thoughts, "Everytime I see a pregnant belly or a newborn and see how happy they are, it makes me so sad that it isn't me".

But in His gentle loving way, my God reminded me, "But Godliness with contentment is great gain" (1 Timothy 6:6) and "Rejoice with those who rejoice" (Romans 2:15) and from Ecclesiastes 3:1-15 that there is a season for all things.

I was also greatly impacted by the song "Blessed Be Your Name" by Matt Redman.

Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name

So I end this post with what my daughter's last question tonight. "But Mom, I am jealous. How can I stop being jealous?" My response was, "My dear, you CHOOSE, you have to make a choice." And right then and there we prayed God would give her the strength and discipline to make that choice today.

What choice do you need to make today to surrender to the season God has specifically placed you in today? Godliness with CONTENTMENT is great gain.

Busy as a Bee

Not much exciting to write except that everything is in the details when it comes to adopting. I've been plugging away and have everything either accomplished or scheduled including getting Tyler's room ready to share, fingerprinting appt, CPR/First Aid Training, TB tests, health and fire inspections, and there's got to be more that I'm just not remembering at 11:45 tonight...whew! I'm trying to have all 'our' part done before Allison's big day. Then the ball will be in Pathways and CPS's court and we will just wait. Many are asking how soon we might have a child. It will depend on what God has in store for us. Some get placed quickly and others may take a while. We have several criteria which will narrow down our placement considerably. We're asking for a boy between 2 or 3 and 5 years. (I say we start at 2, John says 3 b/c he is avoiding diapers entering into our house again like the plague!) So, since we're only able to take one child and we're specific on the sex, age, and we will also only take a child who is thought to be of 'legal risk'. This means they will most likely or have already have had their parents terminate their rights. We will attend our LAST training class with the agency on Monday. I'm getting so hopeful! Here's a poem I found and also a picture of Tyler's room that is ready to receive our new son. A side note is that Liz Tuttle loaned me the cowboy bedding about a year ago when Tyler latched on the cowboys as his latest 'craze'. When she gave it to me I noticed there were two complete sets of bedding. I didn't think anything of it and stored the other set in the attic. That is until NOW when I realized there was a divine purpose for it afterall. Again, everything is in the details!

The Gift of Life
I didn't give you the gift of life,
But in my heart I know.
The love I feel is deep and real,
As if it had been so.

For us to have each other
Is like a dream come true!
No, I didn't give you
The gift of life,
Life gave me the gift of you.

A Place of Refuge

One of my favorite worship songs (of the 90's--yes, one of those keyboard praise songs) was Strong Tower. Some of the lyrics were, "The name of the Lord is, a Strong Tower. The righteous run into it and they are saved." I picture a big tall lighthouse sort of structure or shelter (images of the Dharma stations off of LOST are coming to mind--ha!) I imagine running and rushing into the shelter (much like they did on the show) and being safe and secure and in a place where healing can begin (or where Dr. Jack can fix me up!).

In our foster/adopt class last Monday we discussed all the trauma, heartbreak and hurts that the foster kids will have experienced when we welcome them into our homes. The presenter asked, "What is the most important thing you can do when these children enter your homes?" Many people answered, "Talk to them." She said, "What if they don't want to talk?". Others said, "Give them a hug." She said, "What if they push you away because touch triggers memories of abuse?." Others gave different answers and she came back to us explaining that the biggest need we can meet in their lives is simply to provide them a safe place. That's it....a safe place. Food. Shelter. Clothing. A bed. A routine. I'm reminded of the scene in The Blind Side when the mom gives Big Mike a bedroom of his very own. He runs his hand over the futon in his new room and says, "This is mine? Mom: Yes, sir. Michael: I never had one before. Mom: What—a room to yourself? Michael: A bed.

Many of these children haven't even slept in a bed on a regular basis. We were told a story of one family whose foster children cried and fussed every night when being put in their brand new cutsie Lightning McQueen beds. The parents couldn't understand until they found the children sneaking into their room and sleeping on the hardwood floors at the foot of their bed instead. They had never slept in a bed and they yearned to be in the safety of their new parents presence.

When I am asked, "What is your passion?", this passage from Isaiah always comes to mind (and now we're memorizing it in the Beth Moore Breaking Free study I'm doing this summer).

"The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,

and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor." Isaiah 61:1-3

At the class we also did several exercizes where we had to share some of the traumas and hurts that we had personally experienced in childhood and beyond. It reminded me that even though most of us haven't personally been abandoned or abused (or maybe some of us have), God yearns to bind up our wounds and provide a safe place for us to heal as well.

God sent His Son to bind those tender wounds. Sometimes we try everything to heal ourselves except surrendering and asking for His help. Yet God yearns for us to run to His Strong Tower, into the place of safety of His Presence and allow Him to put the pieces of our hearts back together again.

God has done this numerous times in my life and now I am honored to help others in their process of healing whether it be in peer relationships or with my own children (and child to come).

"The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed,
a stronghold in times of trouble." Psalm 9:9

The Sixth Chair

I'm really excited to get this blog started and most of all, I have had this story burning within me for over a year now and I'm bursting at the seams to share it. Now is the time!

For nearly four years our family of five has sat at our round breakfast table with six chairs, one usually being empty. I look at that sixth chair with hope and anticipation for who God would have to fill it. At first I was convinced it would be a fourth biological child. After a failed pregnancy attempt, I wasn't quite sure what God's plans were. About six months later our dear friend Allison lost her mother. She and her mom had already been a part of our family but after Patt's death, we offered for Allison to live with us. When explaining this to a friend in an email, my friend reminded me of the sixth chair at our table. She said, "You see, God did have a plan for that sixth chair!". Allison has been a joy and delight to our family. I had also always desired to pass on the blessing that many other families had shared with me when I found myself lonely and without a family before I married John. God fulfilled this desire in me by allowing us to return this blessing to Allison.

"God sets the lonely in families." Psalm 68:6

Now our dear Allison is about to begin a new family of her own through marriage to an incredible man with a Godly family. (Although she and Trevor had BETTER plan on spending at least one major holiday with us each year) God has opened up the sixth chair at our table once more.

About sixth months ago God began to stir in John and my hearts an awareness of the need in the church to be more deliberate in caring for widows and orphans. "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." James 1:27

For the next 3 weeks I was an emotional wreck. God spoke into my heart and assured me that our sixth chair did have a divine purpose and that I didn't misunderstand God's desire to give us another child to fill that chair. What I was reminded of was that "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts....This is for the Lord's renown" Isaiah 55:8-9 (&13). We believe that God does have a child for us that simply was not born of my womb. We have the divine opportunity to bring rescue, hope, and blessing to a life that might otherwise be filled with loss and hardship. We are now in the process of being trained and certified to adopt through the foster care system. We are in a state of complete trust for God to bring this child into our home in His timing. Would you join with us in prayer as we wait?

Psalm 128:1-6 ESV
Blessed is everyone who fears the Lord, who walks in his ways! You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands; you shall be blessed, and it shall be well with you. Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your children will be like olive shoots around your table. Behold, thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord. The Lord bless you from Zion! May you see the prosperity of Jerusalem all the days of your life!

Our Family including Trevor and Allison