My Faith Family

Today was the best day! My middle child, Callie, was baptized. If you don't know her story, here is a snip-it. Callie has always been what you might call 'strong willed'. At age 2 she was already in the principal's office at her preschool. 1st grade was our biggest challenge. She would stand her ground to any and every person in authority. She would kick doors, throw shoes, and boy could she scream. John and I read books, met with behavioral specialists, held special prayer meetings and even tried Super Nanny techniques. Visions of that Callie as a 16 year old teenager would plague my mind and it was so easy to doubt that God would provide the breakthrough that we were so fervently praying for. We knew that prayer was our only hope and we also began speaking God's word over her. In her darkest moments we will still tell her that she was a joy and delight (Luke 1:14)--that was who she was on the inside and we just kept praying that Callie would choose to behave like that was true. Over the course of her 1st grade year, her teacher also poured into her like crazy. She would even have a co-teacher come in the room to take care of the OTHER TWENTY kids while she focused on our Callie. (This was one amazing teacher) She would take Callie in front of the mirror and have her look at herself to remind her of who she was. She taught her analogies such as "Is this a mountain or a little ant hill?" to try to enable her to choose her battles when it came to emotional outbursts. Anyway, by May of her 1st grade year we started to see a change in Callie. It came on just like answers to prayer often do--gradually. Answers to our prayers often sneak up on us and aren't like miraculous booms or fireworks shows. This was gradual and this was awesome! One night Callie even told me, "I'm just not the same child I used to be". PRAISE JESUS!!! So, over the course of the next 6 months she has drawn near to God and most recently decided it was her turn to get baptized. (Her twin brother was baptized last summer and Callie said she wasn't ready) Well, today was HER day!!!

Romans 6:3-4 3 Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death 4 We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life.

The second thing that made today so great was to relish in the presence of the family of faith that God has blessed me with. If I'm honest, the thing I continually struggle with that seems to be a deep scar on my soul is the loneliness I feel from not being born into a biological family of faith. I am very disconnected from my parents who are not followers of Christ and who are also very uninvolved in my and my children's lives. This devastates me. This disappoints me. This hurts deeply. I so yearn for it to be different but it isn't and it wasn't. I have released them and I love them dearly. The super good news is that God does not leave us as spiritual orphans.

John 14:24-28 I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. 19 Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. 20 On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you. 21 Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him."

God is our Father, our forever and perfect family. AND, no matter what biological family we come from, God promises to provide for the deep yearning for a family who understands our love and commitment to God, a family who loves us unconditionally like Christ models for us.

Psalm 68:6 God sets the lonely in families.

^{Matthew 12:48-50 48} But he replied to the man who told him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?”⁴⁹ And stretching out his hand toward his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers! ⁵⁰ For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.”

So now I give to you the faith family God has provided for me. I will cherish this picture forever because these two ladies have been moms in Christ to me. Liz Tuttle on the right has always believed in John and I. She is our biggest cheerleader. She gives the best hugs and always has a positive word to speak over us. She inserted herself into Callie's life in her roughest spots an loved on her. When no one else would watch our kids for fear of catching the 'gunk' (tummy bug every 6 weeks for 3 years, and no I'm not exaggerating) LIZ WOULD. She cleaned up puke and wiped booties. She is the epitome of unconditional, whatever it takes love. And, Cecilia on the left has walked me through so many things. She has held me tight when I thought I'd never stop weeping, she has come to my rescue and held my head up over the toilet when I was so sick with salmonella food poisoning that I had to be hospitalized. She prayed for the conception of my twin babies and came and changed their diapers once they were born. And today she stood by my side as the daughter we prayed for so diligently made the best decision of her life.

Lastly, I am so thankful for my sister in Christ Allison. It is terribly lonely being an only child. It has been ridden with insecurity and awkwardness in friendships. God was so good to me to bring Allison into my life nearly 6 years ago. She has been the sister I've always yearned for. I am super protective of her as she is with me. She has loved on my kids and been the hands on aunt that I have always dreamed of. I love her and cherish her!

So...God is good. He answers prayers. He is the Giver of all that is good and right. I love Him more than life!

Our Privilege

This has been a great Christmas...Going into the holiday season we wanted to make sure that the focus in our home was on Jesus' birth and on giving to others. It is so easy to get wrapped up in lists and to dos and what everyone 'wants' for presents. I just finished reading 'Kisses from Katie' which is the story of 23 year old Katie from Tennessee who much to her surprise after a mission trip to Uganda decided to live there indefinitely and has ended up adopting 12 little girls and serves over 500 children food everyday. Reading her story just doubly emphasizes my desire to serve others and go above and beyond the 'typical American' life I've been blessed with. Sometimes the things I do here in Buda seem so small and insignificant compared to, for example, feeding 500 starving children in Africa everyday. It has also been frustrating that we have felt called to adopting through the foster care system here and it has been a year of being licensed and we still have no news.

One thing we decided in November was to broaden our perameters with our desire to adopt a little boy. John and I agreed that it was ridiculous that we have had a bed, clothes, toys...all ready to go to receive a little boy for over a year now and still CPS has not given us a child to care for. So, we changed our status to being open to fostering, respite care or whatever was needed--especially over the holidays. We figured that certainly the need might be greater over the holidays. We also were excited at the possibility of being able to have a new child to love and serve as a family over Christmas. The interesting thing is that indeed we have been blessed with being able to stand in the gap for some children in need this Christmas but it didn't come through CPS or the foster care system.

Our good friend Becky has been involved with a family on the east side of Buda for over a year. This is a family of 14 children ages 2 years to 16 years who are all being care for by their grandmother due to delinquent parents or parents in prison. A year ago they all lived in a single wide trailer with no shower and cooked over a butane camping stove. (Yes, for all 15 of them) Our church partnered with Austin Angels to remodel the existing construction trailer they were living in and also providing another single wide. Later we built a deck between the two and got them a stove, refrigerator, and window AC units. Though this was a real help the family still struggles tremendously financially. Right now they don't have electricity (which is no fun with no heat or lights at night) because they are so behind on their bills.

Well, Becky saw another need a year ago to begin mentoring 3 of the older girls. For the past year she has taken these girls to her home every weekend to shower, wash clothes, and just be with her family. To have someone to help with their homework, to see a mom and a DAD, etc. They have been serving alongside Becky as well. Another amazing thing is that after John and the Peru team returned from their trip in October, they brought 10 kids before our church who needed sponsorships to attend school in Peru. Well these girls Becky mentors decided to sponsor a child in Peru. They now work hard babysitting and cleaning to pay the $35 a month to sponsor their child.

Another family from Austin New Church has also been taking two of the grandma's younger girls to their home on the weekends. This is such a service to the grandma and the kids because she has to work and often the kids aren't adequately supervised or fed.

So, our family has also had the privilege of getting to help these kids recently. We have been taking 5 year old Louis with us for the past month. We have been enjoying the Christmas season with him (and his sisters on one occasion as well) He and Tyler have really clicked and the girls love him too! We have him signed up to play basketball on Saturdays with the kids in January. Though Louis is not 'officially ours' we are privileged to care for him for now primarily on the weekends. I am especially grateful for John and the way he is showing Louis what a dad is and how a dad should lead a family.

God has been faithful yet again to provide for the desires of our hearts to be a family to a little boy although not in the way we expected...It is a privilege to serve and I realize God is pleased with my service here just as much as if it were in Africa. As Katie writes in her book, "What am I doing here? I do not usually forget the answer to all these questions: 'For Jesus. Because He called me to this and because He gave His life for me.' This means that it has been granted to me, it is my privilege."

You are Beautiful

I haven't posted in so long, I know. To be completely honest I have just been so frustrated and disappointed about our desire for adoption remaining unfulfilled that getting onto this blog made me too sad. But that is not what I am dwelling on today!

John is in Peru for two weeks. Today God really ministered to me on my walk and reminded me to embrace this time as a gift from Him. Yesterday I was reminded of the passage in 1 Corinthians 7 where Paul encourages folks to stay single because it enables you to be of an undivided heart toward God. "Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth, give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name." Psalm 86:11

I remember embracing this passage when I was in college and single. I learned then to allow God to fully meet my every need for approval, affection, and comfort. Growing up I was raised by a mother who did not give me those things either. Instead I was met with criticism, slander, and coldness. She did not know how to give affection or encouragement. I also craved it because my dad wasn't around either.

My little Callie is having a hard time with her daddy being gone for so long. (She is quite the daddy's girl) She broke down in tears after a long hard day of misbehavior. She finally let it all out and said, "I just miss Daddy. He treats me so nice." I gave her a huge hug and then explained to her that growing up I didn't have a dad around--saw him about once a year. I was able to explain that I had to trust God to be my Father. Wherever I was, whatever I was doing--happy or sad, He was always there.

Back to today on my walk....God reminded me of all these things. He reminded me that He is in fact my First Love, My Husband, My Father, and also the comforting, approving mother I crave. When there is no one around to tell me that I am loved, that I am beautiful, that I am important. He is there. He is there to 'treat me nice'. If you are feeling alone or less than beautiful or approved of today, embrace the gift of God's word and Presence to you.

"The Lord Your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17

Beautiful--by Bethany Dillon (Download this song!)

You make me beautiful

You make me stand in awe

You step inside my heart, and I am amazed

I love to hear You say

Who I am is quite enough

You make me worthy of love and beautiful

Running on Fumes

If you're about to run out of gas, the best thing to do is slow way down to conserve fuel so that you can make it to the next station. This is not easy for those of us who are 'go-getters' and who like to make things happen. Stopping to get gas is just a drag sometimes.

Have you ever noticed that if you don't heed God's instructions to rest, that He will often find a way to 'force' you to rest and recharge? This has happened to me recently, hence the lack of blog posts. I had some health issues come up that slowed me down. In hindsight, I am really really grateful for the wake up call. I feel like I was comparable to a car who was just filling up here and there a few bucks at a time (as many folks are doing now literally due to the terribly high gas prices!) and not getting my regular oil changes. This wears a car out, right? It will eventually 'conk', as did I.

The thing about God is that He is utterly concerned about our health, and very much concerned about our spiritual health. Sometimes we can push so hard in life--even good things to please God and benefit His kingdom that we are physically, spiritually and emotionally worn out and exhausted.

God Himself is the source of all life. He is the life out of which everything else flows. Jesus gave us the example of the vine and the branches. He is the vine and we are the branches (John 15:5) Rest is just one of the ways we receive the life of God. Why is it that we feel like rest is a luxury and that we are irresponsible and 'lazy' if we rest on a regular basis? What would it be like to yield to Christ and rest as He prescribes in His Word? 'Be Still and Know that I am God?" Ps. 46:10.

In 1 Kings 19:11-12 God spoke to Elijah in a cave and said,

“Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by.”
Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. 12 After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper.

To hear that whisper and be restored, refreshed, and recharged for the tasks God has for us, we have to:

--settle down
--shut out all the drama
--quiet our hearts
--yield to Him
--choose to FOLLOW and submit to His plan

When you run out of gas, there are very few options left to do things your way. You are no longer in control of going the direction you set out for. You are in a desperate state. In need of rescue, in need of power to continue on. This is where I am and there is no place I'd rather be. I invite you to join me and yield to God. His ways are higher than ours and His plan will always prevail! I'm excited to have finally 'run out of gas' so that I can truly follow Him on the course He sets for me and my future. :)

Your Love is Better than Life

Today is Valentines Day. I had the most wonderful morning with the love of my life--this being Jesus. I was able to take a walk and allow Him to minister to my broken spirit. I have experienced two big disappointments with children that were available to be potentially placed in our home in the past two weeks. Both of these situations completely broke my heart. I yearn so desperately for God to fulfill my longing for a child and to fulfill what I believe He has called John and I to. When things don't turn out how I expect it is easy to begin to doubt just about everything and for extreme discouragement to set in.

But during my walk this morning I was reminded of the one thing that I can always depend on--the love of God for me. I am SO blessed to be loved by God. His love for me is what keeps me going. Since I asked Jesus to come into my life when I was 8 I have always had a constant companion and a reason for living and assurance of my eternity. This is what I have clung to over the years when I have found myself alone and hurting. In a recent conversation I had I admitted that Christianity to me is a 'crutch'. (Some people see that as a negative thing) But I do NEED a relationship with God. I need the strength and assurance He provides. I cannot live in this difficult world without Him and without the hope of being in His perfect presence one day. I also admitted to a friend that I am so 'in' this that I willingly put 'all my cards in' on the fact that I believe God is real and my relationship with Him is true. Today I was reminded of the passage in Matthew 13:44 "The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field." I have sold it all and bought the field, so to speak.

So today on Valentines Day, I give my complete affection and allegiance to the only one who truly satisfies and loves me without fail and promises me eternal treasures in Heaven. Everything other disappointment or challenge is very very dim in comparison to this glorious fact.

"My love will never fail you." 1 Corinthians 13:8

The Little Things

I am a picture taker...ok...I'll totally admit it and I am not ashamed. This irritates my husband to no end. I think the reason I love taking pictures is that I love memories. I treasure them. If every thing or every person, for that matter, were taken away from you, you would still have your memories--the snapshots of your mind. Sometimes I will just lay in bed and let the films roll through my mind of days past....my childhood, an embarrassing moment in junior high, my first crush, a significant moment in prayer with friends, an awkward first date, a fishing trip with my dad, my wedding day, one of my babies first words...

I was sitting with my family at a restaurant last night and I saw another family celebrating what looked like a grandmother's birthday. She was surrounded by her young grandchildren belting out 'Happy Birthday' in their squeaky super cute voices. I took a mental snaphot right then and was reminded of what is most important in life.

It's the little things.

I found this quote on facebook today:

'Enjoy the little things, for one day you will look back and realize they were the big things'

There are only a few things that will endure the test of time according to Scripture. (God's Love-Lamentations 3:22, His Works- 2 Cor. 4:18, His Words- Matthew 24:25, People-1 Peter 1:23-25) There are MANY many things that will fade away. I want to cherish the things that will last forever--one of which is you, me, our friends, family, children, co-workers, neighbors... What a great loss to pass over opportunities to encourage and point others to the things of God that will carry on for eternity.

"Who has done this and carried it through, calling forth the generations from the beginning? I, the LORD--with the first of them and with the last--I am he." Isaiah 41:4

Creator God, who is from the beginning and through the end and with us in the present, show us what is most important in this brief existence. Show us what a gift we possess. Amen.

(A Quick Foster/Adopt Update: We submitted our homestudy on two little boys--one age 5, one age 4. We will know in about a week if we were chosen for consideration as a placement for either of them. Please join us in prayer for those little guys and that God would align them with their perfect forever families as well as hold our hearts and prepare us for accepting His will and receiving His perfect child for us in His time.)

Some Snapshots of the "Little Things" of My Life

Tyler and our next door neighbor. What a blessing for a little boy to have a best buddy who is as close as a brother. Tyler has created a company called 'Mario Brothers Inc.' of which he and Evan 'belong to'. Evan gave him this blanket for Christmas.

Callie and Courtney and I went on a 'girls trip' to Dallas to visit some friends. They found these BFF necklaces that interlock magnetically. What a blessing to have a sister who is a built in best friend! Don't they already look like teenagers in this picture? They're only 7 & 4!!

Service and Solitude

This holiday season it is so easy to let busyness consume us. A party here, a party there, white elephant gift exchanges, buying gifts, baking, Secret Santa, classroom parties, and the list goes on. Sometimes even very very good things consume us such as serving the needy and poor.

This week I've been pondering the necessity for solitude and being still. God's word says in Psalm 46:10, "Be still and know that I am God". Jesus also modeled for us on several occasions in the height of His ministry, in the midst of serving and healing so many people by pulling away to a place to be alone. Luke 5:16 "But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places to pray."

I hear many people say that they feel disconnected from God, and many will blame this on their church's worship experience. The question has to be, "Are you personally taking time to be alone and spend time in Bible reading and prayer?" If that is not happening there will not be intimacy and connection with God. It is the key.

I think about the birth of Jesus and how so much of it was wrapped up in solitude and stillness. When the angel came to Mary to tell her she would give birth to our Savior she was still---had she have been bustling around in the mall shopping would she have even noticed the angel was trying to speak to her? Scripture says that "she pondered these things in her heart.." (Luke 2:19) Then I think of the long journey Joseph and Mary took to Bethlehem. Much time for pondering I'm sure. Much time for the Lord to speak to them, to reassure them of His presence and the ministry that would lie ahead for both of them as parents of the long awaited Messiah. The same goes for the wisemen and shepherds in their travelling to see what lay beneath the star in the sky.

It is so important that we take time this holiday season to do the same: to withdraw from the crowds and busyness and let the One we celebrate give us the greatest gift of all---His personal Presence that is now available to us because of the birth and death of Jesus. And then, from within that time of intimacy and refreshing we can allow God to propel us out into the world to be His hands and feet to others this Christmas.

"Solitude is not simply a withdraw from the world to be renewed and refreshed. It is also finding a new center of inner quietness and certitude from which we act in the midst of a busy and demanding world....Rather, the movement to solitude is to find a renewed self, and from the center of being loved and nourished we can again enter our world with purposeful engagement." Henri Nouwen