You are Beautiful

I haven't posted in so long, I know. To be completely honest I have just been so frustrated and disappointed about our desire for adoption remaining unfulfilled that getting onto this blog made me too sad. But that is not what I am dwelling on today!

John is in Peru for two weeks. Today God really ministered to me on my walk and reminded me to embrace this time as a gift from Him. Yesterday I was reminded of the passage in 1 Corinthians 7 where Paul encourages folks to stay single because it enables you to be of an undivided heart toward God. "Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth, give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name." Psalm 86:11

I remember embracing this passage when I was in college and single. I learned then to allow God to fully meet my every need for approval, affection, and comfort. Growing up I was raised by a mother who did not give me those things either. Instead I was met with criticism, slander, and coldness. She did not know how to give affection or encouragement. I also craved it because my dad wasn't around either.

My little Callie is having a hard time with her daddy being gone for so long. (She is quite the daddy's girl) She broke down in tears after a long hard day of misbehavior. She finally let it all out and said, "I just miss Daddy. He treats me so nice." I gave her a huge hug and then explained to her that growing up I didn't have a dad around--saw him about once a year. I was able to explain that I had to trust God to be my Father. Wherever I was, whatever I was doing--happy or sad, He was always there.

Back to today on my walk....God reminded me of all these things. He reminded me that He is in fact my First Love, My Husband, My Father, and also the comforting, approving mother I crave. When there is no one around to tell me that I am loved, that I am beautiful, that I am important. He is there. He is there to 'treat me nice'. If you are feeling alone or less than beautiful or approved of today, embrace the gift of God's word and Presence to you.

"The Lord Your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17

Beautiful--by Bethany Dillon (Download this song!)

You make me beautiful

You make me stand in awe

You step inside my heart, and I am amazed

I love to hear You say

Who I am is quite enough

You make me worthy of love and beautiful

Running on Fumes

If you're about to run out of gas, the best thing to do is slow way down to conserve fuel so that you can make it to the next station. This is not easy for those of us who are 'go-getters' and who like to make things happen. Stopping to get gas is just a drag sometimes.

Have you ever noticed that if you don't heed God's instructions to rest, that He will often find a way to 'force' you to rest and recharge? This has happened to me recently, hence the lack of blog posts. I had some health issues come up that slowed me down. In hindsight, I am really really grateful for the wake up call. I feel like I was comparable to a car who was just filling up here and there a few bucks at a time (as many folks are doing now literally due to the terribly high gas prices!) and not getting my regular oil changes. This wears a car out, right? It will eventually 'conk', as did I.

The thing about God is that He is utterly concerned about our health, and very much concerned about our spiritual health. Sometimes we can push so hard in life--even good things to please God and benefit His kingdom that we are physically, spiritually and emotionally worn out and exhausted.

God Himself is the source of all life. He is the life out of which everything else flows. Jesus gave us the example of the vine and the branches. He is the vine and we are the branches (John 15:5) Rest is just one of the ways we receive the life of God. Why is it that we feel like rest is a luxury and that we are irresponsible and 'lazy' if we rest on a regular basis? What would it be like to yield to Christ and rest as He prescribes in His Word? 'Be Still and Know that I am God?" Ps. 46:10.

In 1 Kings 19:11-12 God spoke to Elijah in a cave and said,

“Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by.”
Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. 12 After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper.

To hear that whisper and be restored, refreshed, and recharged for the tasks God has for us, we have to:

--settle down
--shut out all the drama
--quiet our hearts
--yield to Him
--choose to FOLLOW and submit to His plan

When you run out of gas, there are very few options left to do things your way. You are no longer in control of going the direction you set out for. You are in a desperate state. In need of rescue, in need of power to continue on. This is where I am and there is no place I'd rather be. I invite you to join me and yield to God. His ways are higher than ours and His plan will always prevail! I'm excited to have finally 'run out of gas' so that I can truly follow Him on the course He sets for me and my future. :)

Your Love is Better than Life

Today is Valentines Day. I had the most wonderful morning with the love of my life--this being Jesus. I was able to take a walk and allow Him to minister to my broken spirit. I have experienced two big disappointments with children that were available to be potentially placed in our home in the past two weeks. Both of these situations completely broke my heart. I yearn so desperately for God to fulfill my longing for a child and to fulfill what I believe He has called John and I to. When things don't turn out how I expect it is easy to begin to doubt just about everything and for extreme discouragement to set in.

But during my walk this morning I was reminded of the one thing that I can always depend on--the love of God for me. I am SO blessed to be loved by God. His love for me is what keeps me going. Since I asked Jesus to come into my life when I was 8 I have always had a constant companion and a reason for living and assurance of my eternity. This is what I have clung to over the years when I have found myself alone and hurting. In a recent conversation I had I admitted that Christianity to me is a 'crutch'. (Some people see that as a negative thing) But I do NEED a relationship with God. I need the strength and assurance He provides. I cannot live in this difficult world without Him and without the hope of being in His perfect presence one day. I also admitted to a friend that I am so 'in' this that I willingly put 'all my cards in' on the fact that I believe God is real and my relationship with Him is true. Today I was reminded of the passage in Matthew 13:44 "The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field." I have sold it all and bought the field, so to speak.

So today on Valentines Day, I give my complete affection and allegiance to the only one who truly satisfies and loves me without fail and promises me eternal treasures in Heaven. Everything other disappointment or challenge is very very dim in comparison to this glorious fact.

"My love will never fail you." 1 Corinthians 13:8

The Little Things

I am a picture taker...ok...I'll totally admit it and I am not ashamed. This irritates my husband to no end. I think the reason I love taking pictures is that I love memories. I treasure them. If every thing or every person, for that matter, were taken away from you, you would still have your memories--the snapshots of your mind. Sometimes I will just lay in bed and let the films roll through my mind of days past....my childhood, an embarrassing moment in junior high, my first crush, a significant moment in prayer with friends, an awkward first date, a fishing trip with my dad, my wedding day, one of my babies first words...

I was sitting with my family at a restaurant last night and I saw another family celebrating what looked like a grandmother's birthday. She was surrounded by her young grandchildren belting out 'Happy Birthday' in their squeaky super cute voices. I took a mental snaphot right then and was reminded of what is most important in life.

It's the little things.

I found this quote on facebook today:

'Enjoy the little things, for one day you will look back and realize they were the big things'

There are only a few things that will endure the test of time according to Scripture. (God's Love-Lamentations 3:22, His Works- 2 Cor. 4:18, His Words- Matthew 24:25, People-1 Peter 1:23-25) There are MANY many things that will fade away. I want to cherish the things that will last forever--one of which is you, me, our friends, family, children, co-workers, neighbors... What a great loss to pass over opportunities to encourage and point others to the things of God that will carry on for eternity.

"Who has done this and carried it through, calling forth the generations from the beginning? I, the LORD--with the first of them and with the last--I am he." Isaiah 41:4

Creator God, who is from the beginning and through the end and with us in the present, show us what is most important in this brief existence. Show us what a gift we possess. Amen.

(A Quick Foster/Adopt Update: We submitted our homestudy on two little boys--one age 5, one age 4. We will know in about a week if we were chosen for consideration as a placement for either of them. Please join us in prayer for those little guys and that God would align them with their perfect forever families as well as hold our hearts and prepare us for accepting His will and receiving His perfect child for us in His time.)

Some Snapshots of the "Little Things" of My Life

Tyler and our next door neighbor. What a blessing for a little boy to have a best buddy who is as close as a brother. Tyler has created a company called 'Mario Brothers Inc.' of which he and Evan 'belong to'. Evan gave him this blanket for Christmas.

Callie and Courtney and I went on a 'girls trip' to Dallas to visit some friends. They found these BFF necklaces that interlock magnetically. What a blessing to have a sister who is a built in best friend! Don't they already look like teenagers in this picture? They're only 7 & 4!!

Service and Solitude

This holiday season it is so easy to let busyness consume us. A party here, a party there, white elephant gift exchanges, buying gifts, baking, Secret Santa, classroom parties, and the list goes on. Sometimes even very very good things consume us such as serving the needy and poor.

This week I've been pondering the necessity for solitude and being still. God's word says in Psalm 46:10, "Be still and know that I am God". Jesus also modeled for us on several occasions in the height of His ministry, in the midst of serving and healing so many people by pulling away to a place to be alone. Luke 5:16 "But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places to pray."

I hear many people say that they feel disconnected from God, and many will blame this on their church's worship experience. The question has to be, "Are you personally taking time to be alone and spend time in Bible reading and prayer?" If that is not happening there will not be intimacy and connection with God. It is the key.

I think about the birth of Jesus and how so much of it was wrapped up in solitude and stillness. When the angel came to Mary to tell her she would give birth to our Savior she was still---had she have been bustling around in the mall shopping would she have even noticed the angel was trying to speak to her? Scripture says that "she pondered these things in her heart.." (Luke 2:19) Then I think of the long journey Joseph and Mary took to Bethlehem. Much time for pondering I'm sure. Much time for the Lord to speak to them, to reassure them of His presence and the ministry that would lie ahead for both of them as parents of the long awaited Messiah. The same goes for the wisemen and shepherds in their travelling to see what lay beneath the star in the sky.

It is so important that we take time this holiday season to do the same: to withdraw from the crowds and busyness and let the One we celebrate give us the greatest gift of all---His personal Presence that is now available to us because of the birth and death of Jesus. And then, from within that time of intimacy and refreshing we can allow God to propel us out into the world to be His hands and feet to others this Christmas.

"Solitude is not simply a withdraw from the world to be renewed and refreshed. It is also finding a new center of inner quietness and certitude from which we act in the midst of a busy and demanding world....Rather, the movement to solitude is to find a renewed self, and from the center of being loved and nourished we can again enter our world with purposeful engagement." Henri Nouwen

Someone Searching for the Way to Get You Here

This morning I was wrecked at church. Just a weeping mess. We had part one of our home study Friday and it went really well. Well, except that I clearly went into it with expectations. They were dashed. With such a great need for foster homes and some 6,000 plus kids needing homes in Texas I thought there would be a great possibility of a quick placement. Well, our sweet social worker burst my naive bubble. She said we should be prepared for 6 to 9 months of more waiting once we are licensed (which should be in a few weeks). It hit me like a ton of bricks. Then I guess my emotions waited to be released like a tidal wave this morning.

The message was all about being a people who try to tangibly be the good news to those who are broken and lonely. Specifically orphans. For us to provide families and a place to belong to those who would otherwise have no where to go to spend holidays as an adult or no one for their children one day to call 'grandparents'. What breaks my heart is knowing there is a child who needs us. Who is longing for a forever family. Who God destined before the beginning of time to be called our child even though he wasn't born of my womb. But...he is not with us. We are separated and God only knows what this precious child is experiencing right now, what environment he is in, what fears he goes to sleep with at night. Waiting is so difficult...especially when it feels as if it is at the expense of an innocent child.

Then, we sang an Aaron Ivey song and I came unglued to the lyrics, "I'll find a way to get you here, if it takes my fleeting breath....I hope you know there is somebody searching for the way to get you here."

Oh dear God, please give our son comfort in somehow supernaturally knowing this. I place my trust in You to take care of him, and to give us perserverence and hope.

Aaron's music video Amos Story--while waiting for the adoption of his kids from Haiti. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J4eZybIXpm8

AMOS STORY Aaron Ivey. ©2009

Another photograph to wrestle in my head
Another sleepless night on concrete featherbed
These thoughts of you like bullets to my soul
We’ve got to find a way to get you home

I’ll find a way to get you here
If it takes my fleeting breath
Another sunrise hits the ground
And it’s a dark lonely sight
Light years away I hope you know

There is somebody searching
For the way to get you here
I will get you here
Throw the clocks away
and run out to the street
We’ll fly to distant clouds
where it’s just you and me
A day will come when all of this is gone

You’ve got to find a way to believe

Close your eyes and dream of a better day with me
As angels hold you tight, may you sleep in peace tonight
So dream, dream, dream my child
Hear the whisperings of hope

It’s a song that you can sing, as you sleep in peace tonight

Groanings Too Deep For Words

Those who know me well will attest to the fact that I am a deep person....Sometimes to my detriment I'm sure--for me and for those who get caught in a conversation with me when I'm pondering something. I'm known to be rather inept at surface conversation. Lord, help me for all my blunders! Once I told someone I just met that I liked the way she changed her haircut. Since I just met her I realized I should let her know that the reason I noticed was seeing her on Facebook which then led to my comment, "Oh, I wasn't stalking you on facebook or anything." My, my......My small talk capabilities need a serious tutorial.


Anyway, I experienced what I could compare to a groaning too deep for words this morning at Austin New Church. An amazing missionary family who serves in Ethiopia was speaking about how they were rescued from their former lives of substance abuse, materialism and impending divorce. And not only were their lives transformed but in the course of a few years of receiving a new life in Christ, they were obedient to move from the States to Ethiopia to share the good news of life with Christ to the people there. The bottom line is that we as believers in God are to be set apart for the gospel of God. So, who am I to tell God what I will allow Him to set me apart for or how exactly that will look. Such as, "Well, I will serve God in Buda, but not overseas. Or I will be set apart in my lifestyle for God but not if it means sacrificing our savings accounts. Or (in my instance) I will be set apart to bring good news to a young boy who needs a home but only one child and he has to be between the age of 3-5, etc. Afterall, our home is too small, and my children are in certain stages of life, yada, yada".


God spoke to my heart today that it is an honor and privilege to be set apart for the gospel (Romans 1:1). To share His good news and hope of rescue to those in this world. I wept over the different memories that flooded my mind of the different opportunities He has allowed me to be a part of over the years in caring for others particularly widows, orphans, and the lonely. But, now as we are preparing to adopt, how could I only accept 'certain' tasks and deny those that don't particularly 'suit' us. So at that moment I began to experience conviction for all the perimeters I have put on the child we will take for foster/adoption. My goodness, what if God had put perimeters on me--on my adoption into His family? I would have NEVER made the 'cut'! So I experienced groanings too deep for words. I began to yearn for God's perfect will for us and for the child/children He might have for us. Though I'm taking a little liberty with the verse below...I have such a longing, eagerly awaiting the privilege to redeem and rescue through adoption. I am becoming increasingly impatient and eagerly waiting.

"Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express." Romans 8:23-26


Here is a picture of what John and I found in our fortune cookies at Panda Express right after church. Hey, if God can speak through Balaam's donkey, He can certainly speak through a panda, right?